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上古时代，为了应对大旱，中国古老的两个部落东夷和九黎，按照祭司的预言派人前往桃花坳寻找天降玄女。一对好友苏茉和芙儿从此背负不同命运，一个作为朱雀玄女要保护九黎百姓，另一个作为青龙玄女要带领东夷夺取上游九黎的水源。一位玄女加七位星宿使者，便能组成一个团队，唤醒相应的神兽。但朱雀团队的第一次唤醒仪式却被东夷大将军百里寒破坏。为了再次唤醒神兽，东夷和九黎开始争夺白虎和玄武神杵。百里寒利用苏茉与芙儿之间的感情纠葛，骗得神杵，成功唤醒青龙。。A rag tag band of idiots on the verge of signing a recording contract is sandbagged by their lead singer, Chas Knopfler, into throwing the mother of all parties the night before they embark on a world tour. Eddie Mesmer, the rhythm guitarist, awakens to find his drummer, Toss Dunbar, hanging from a tree like a scarecrow, and the house completely destroyed. Eddie and Toss quickl...。